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Sick Day

Londyn is keeping us on her toes. She has had 2 febrile seizure in the past few weeks. With no other symptoms of infection ;( turns out she has had some pretty bad kidney infections. Her fevers haven't been higher than 102- so apparently her seizure threshold is pretty low. We are resting today and she is being spoiled with movies, toys, juice, yogurt and whatever else we can give to her counteract the meds and rest. Much fasting and prayer at our house. We will never take our health for granted! 

Joie's 6 month Heaven Birthday

Natalie 1 mo. old

Joie 4 days old

I see some similarities- do you ? It makes me smile.

Cody and I both feel her personality was a little more mellow than Londyn's. Cody says more like his :o) We often dream about what she looks like and what her spirit is like. We take great comfort in the knowledge that we will raise her and we look forward to that special resurrection day.

I can't believe this year has gone by so fast. But in a way, I can't believe it's been so long. It feels like yesterday I was rocking sweet Joie away into the night. There was noise and activity all around us, but behind our little curtain we sat in peace.. and rocked..and rocked.. and rocked. The moments seem to be slipping from my memory but the feelings never will. I have struggled much the last few months and weeks. In a way, I feel like everyone around me forgot. They moved on. They don't call, family and friends don't mention her often and seem to expect us to be "normal." People often ask how we are and say to call if we need anything. We try to be strong and survive and possibly we give off the impression that we are normal, but we aren't.
It is so sweet to hear anyone speak of Joie. Londyn makes my day so often as she hugs me and looks into my eyes and says "I miss baby Joie Mama." My favorite are stories people tell about their kids putting Joie's picture by Jesus or memories from times shared together. I love to hear my friends recall their feelings through it all, even if they didn't have the chance to meet her. It's almost like talking about where you were on 9/11. It's a part of our families history. It's important to us. This experience could be classified as the worst of my life, but also the best. It was a whirlwind 2 weeks so we spend much time remembering different moments and aspects of it. I can't thank those who remember us each month on her birthday or her Heaven Birthday and recognize the significance of the day. Some are easier than others but we have new struggles by the day. I find it so much easier to open up and share what I am feeling with these people. I feel that they care. I know a lot of people care and maybe they don't know what to say? I am not easily offended and I feel like I have been very willing to share my feelings (ask my poor visiting teacher about that).

I had an experience this month that taught me a lot about the purpose of Joie's life. I was talking to a friend who insinuated that Joie came to save me. She insisted I needed saving and Cody as well. I don't think she meant to hurt me but I don't understand her reasoning for telling me that. I struggled with it for days then I had a sweet experience. I was walking with a friend who is not of my faith but nonetheless a very faithful person. She and I have been close and she is always a great listener. I told her of my experience and how I couldn't shake the awful feeling that Joie died becuase I am a sinner and needed saving. We decided that my friend meant well but was possibly referring to an experience in her own life that maybe she considered a saving experience. Then we talked about Joie's life, why she came and what we learned from her strong perfect spirit. We continued talking about how we know that children are not punished for their parents sins (ie. Adam and Eve) and how Christ did come and did die to save me from my sins. I found so much peace I haven't thought about the comment much since, other than the insight my friend shared. I am so thankful for a Savior who did come and die for me. He suffered becuase of my sin- past, present and future. I do believe trials are faith building, and bring us closer to God. This trial has been successful in that way. I love a quote I recently read about how friends help us through trials- help us to endure them, and don't wish to take them away.
D&C 101:4-5 talks about how we must endure chastening and be tried, which is why we are all here on earth. the commentary I love is as follows "In the light of this revealed inside I would not, had I the invitation or the opportunity, go to my fellow man and weep futile tears with them and wail with them against a so-called cruel fate. I am not complimented when someone comes to me and would weep futile tears with me about a sorry plight I may be in and wish I could be spared it all. I believe that God gives us experiences to make us strong, and it is not a compliment when someone, thinking to be kind, would take away from us the very experiences that would make us strong. But this I do believe in: a full, free-flowing flood of sympathy that pours from heart to heart as oil from vessel to vessel; tears shed with a friend that bring relief, that cleanse, that purify, that we may sustain each other in patience and dignity through the trials of this life, and if we do that we will find the Master standing in our midst." I have had that experience with a few very special people in my life. From now on that is the desire I have to help others. To endure with them. To find Christ in our Midst to strengthen and bouy us up.

Our fam today

My Stick Family from WiddlyTinks.com

Teaching a lesson in YW Sunday on How the roles of Men and Women compliment eachother in Families. This is one of my visual aids.I got a little carried away. We don't know that it's a boy for sure. And the only reason I wrote Dash is because that is what Londyn calls her little bro.

Future Family????

My Stick Family from WiddlyTinks.com

The Atonement Covers All Pain

As Elder Dallin H. Oaks has taught: “Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to Him who loves us best. Sometimes a ‘healing’ cures our illness or lifts our burden. But sometimes we are ‘healed’ by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us.”¹⁷ All that will come may be “clasped in the arms of Jesus.”¹⁸ All souls can be healed by His power. All pain can be soothed. In Him, we can “find rest unto [our] souls.”¹⁹ Our mortal circumstances may not immediately change, but our pain, worry, suffering, and fear can be swallowed up in His peace and healing balm.

5 mo. Going back to Ronald McDonald

Joie Brooklyn Kartchner

1/19/13-2/2/13- She would be 5 months old today. We miss and love her dearly.

When Joie was in the DNCC in January, A friend sent me this talk. It brought me comfort to know we weren’t alone in our trials. She is gone now and I still have the comfort I needed then and need every day. I wanted to give you all something as a parent who has been there- and these were the words that came to mind. You are not alone. May God bless you and your families with an abundance of peace, love and healing. Love, Cody and Natalie Kartchner

“I have noted that children are often more naturally accepting of pain and suffering. They quietly endure with humility and meekness. I have felt a beautiful, sweet spirit surrounding these little ones.

Thirteen-year-old Sherrie underwent a 14-hour operation for a tumor on her spinal cord. As she regained consciousness in the intensive care unit, she said: “Daddy, Aunt Cheryl is here, … and … Grandpa Norman … and Grandma Brown … are here. And Daddy, who is that standing beside you? … He looks like you, only taller. … He says he’s your brother, Jimmy.” Her uncle Jimmy had died at age 13 of cystic fibrosis.

“For nearly an hour, Sherrie … described her visitors, all deceased family members. Exhausted, she then fell asleep.”

Later she told her father, “Daddy, all of the children here in the intensive care unit have angels helping them.”²⁰

To all of us the Savior said:

“Behold, ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth.     

“Fear not, little children, for you are mine. …

“Wherefore, I am in your midst, and I am the good shepherd.”²¹

Our great personal challenge in mortality is to become “a saint through the atonement of Christ.”²² The pain you and I experience may be where this process is most measured. In extremity, we can become as children in our hearts, humble ourselves, and “pray and work and wait”²³ patiently for the healing of our bodies and our souls. As Job, after being refined through our trials, we “shall come forth as gold.”²⁴

20. See Michael R. Morris, “Sherrie’s Shield of Faith,” Ensign, June 1995, 46.

21.  Doctrine and Covenants 50:40–41, 44

22.  Mosiah 3:19.

23. Henry B. Eyring, Liahona and Ensign, May 2009, 24.

24.  Job 23:10.

From the talk “The Atonement Covers All Pain” by Kent Richards Surgeon and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Full text can be found at lds.org

I remember reading this in our small isolation room and crying. I was given a hug of comfort. I felt the presence of angels. Family members. Aunt Pam, Grandpa Hinckley and Grandpa Muir, Chris, Grandpa Kartchner, Uncle John. So thankful for that comfort that day and the presence I feel almost daily now.  

Story of My Faith

I have never been this bad a blogging. EVER. It hasn't been a priority and life has been a whirlwind. I feel strongly that I need to share some of the feelings I am having. I am tempted to do this privately but I feel as though I need to do it publicly. I will attempt to share some of my innermost thoughts and feelings on the condition that you all set aside all judgement. I am in a situation where I am just existing, doing my best and trying to stay above the clouds. Thanks. 

The reason I called this the story of my faith is becuase it seems that is the struggle I will have this year. I have always thought that I been very faithful in my life but faith isn't true faith until it is tested. I love this quote my good friend sent me awhile back. It is a quote from the April 2011 ensign, "When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren't healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting." 

I was reading my scriptures this week in Alma. I have read about the 2,000 stripling warriors in the Book of Mormon. God miraculously protected them from their enemies, becuase of their faith, becuase of their Mother's faith. I couldn't help but think- Was my faith not strong enough? Why didn't God heal and protect Joie? Why did he take her but protect them? It is heart breaking but real. I don't ask it out of self pity or doubt, but sincere desire to understand. I know he could have. But why didn't he? Well of course the answer came to me. God protected the Nephites when they were faithful because that was His plan. He needed them to bring us the scriptures, and teach us lessons. He needed them to be there when Jesus was resurrected so he could visit them and prophesies would be fulfilled. 

Heavenly Father took Joie becuase that was his plan. His inifinite, amazing plan, that is more beautiful than our human minds can comprehend. Even through my selfish desire as a Mother to hold that sweet baby girl I can feel the peace and comfort of the gospel. I know that "All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”^{6 Preach my gospel.}I am very blessed to have the greatest Sunday School Teacher who ever lived, and to call her my friend. She has truly blessed my life. On Sunday she talked about how we all need a reservoir of Faith. Not just a little. A big reservoir. A faith supply. We need every ounce of faith we can get in a storage for later use. The time will come when we will need that faith to sustain us. The prophets have taught us what we need to do to return to live with God and with our families. It requires a lot of work. It isn't easy to do all the small things and keep the commandments. I have come to realize that during the hard times in life we rely on what we have built during the other times. The more faith we have the more likely we are to survive the hard times. I know now that my faith is built on a rock. It is strong. Strong enough to endure this year and to endure to the end. That sweet day when I am reunited with the baby I long to hold.

Meet Baby Joie- Videos of our Angel Baby

Today marks one month since my sweet Joie left my arms. I remember it like yesterday and probably (hopefully) forever will. We have cherished these videos the last month and hope you will to. 

So to all who didn't get the privilege to meet her in this life, here she is.  

Joie Brooklyn Kartchner

We will pick up where we left off in the next life. We anxiously await that beautiful day.

Last family date as a party of 3/Maternity pics and other random funOn

38 weeks

Londyn and I on our tour of the Salem hospital

Riding Horses

Gilbert house fun. She loves the panda bear. I think her outfit is hilarious- who lets their kid out in a skirt and snow boots. Apparently this lazy pregnant Mom!

Dancing! Londyn's favorite thing.

 We had to find a gymnastics class for Londyn to take while I am on maternity leave. She is very coordinated and has a natural talent for dancing- Cody and I are baffled and really don't know where she gets her moves. It must have been the few dance classes she had at her daycare in September.

Londyn and Reaghan on the trampolines

Family Bowling Nite

Have you seen my bowling ball? 

For real, we lost my bowling ball and our shoes from last year when we were on a bowling league in Lehi. We are so sad about our loss! If found, please return. They are all in a black bag with pink flames. That's right. Pink flames. You know you are going to go out and get one.

Londyn spent a lot of time as an infant in the bowling alley. She has a great love for the game. 

I love the pics of Cody and Londyn, he was trying so hard to get her a strike! Mama was on fire and beat on Daddy pretty good. He may have been letting me win so he didn't have to suffer the wrath of a 9 mo pregnant lady.

Londyn was pretty stoked about bowling. We had dinner at the new Panera in Keizer. Londyn enjoyed her last official date night as an only child. Don't worry Londyn, it only gets more fun from here!

I love Instagram. Folllow me @nkartchner

Jump Jump! Londyn loves Just Dance

Happy New Year!

I worked on New Years eve. Then I got sick. So it wasn't much of a party for us. We did use our tree decor to celebrate at 8 o'clock. That was the extent of it. Better luck next year!